Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
