You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
