this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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