so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
