it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
