he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
