This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
