Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
