i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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