you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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