he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
