You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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