How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
