If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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