Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
