I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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