After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
