Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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