worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
