Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We had to coat check the pizza.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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