i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
