i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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