you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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