Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Houston, we have a squirter
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
