i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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