You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
