Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
