who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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