is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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