dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
