I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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