i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
