not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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