I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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