upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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