so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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