I wannas sexs uuuuu
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
