I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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