she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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