Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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