I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
