Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm both gender and math confused
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
