Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
