Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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