The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
