i don't like sucking hair
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Are we still banned from the library?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Pants are for mortals
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
