So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
