summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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