Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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