the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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