It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
