Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
