Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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