I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We need to rekindle our bromance
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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