So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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