my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I faked an abortion last night.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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